Hot mess

Life is flying by, so tonight I am purposely taking a risk and a chance. I am not doing my project proposal right now, I'm going to do it tomorrow because tonight is my night. I'm going to go out with J. and that's that. I already ate some food and then puked some up because my stomach just didn't want it. My body is weird and volatile, my brain is a shark in the waves, eating up everything and anything.

I am a loner, and I am scared. I need interaction, I need to be around some people. Today was such a long day. My back aches and I'm just so beat. It's almost 11 at night. I am meeting J. later, after midnight. 

I can't make this post make sense. I'm not thinking, I'm just feeling. I need a massage. I need to do the dishes. I need to move, I'll never live in a "lower" again. I HATE hearing footsteps overhead. Hate it, hate it, hate it... I'm terrified the roof is just going to fucking cave in.

So much work for my classes. OhLord please help me pass everything. I cannot wait to be done with college. Three months from now is January 14th. Where will I be then?

Where am I now?

Sar's not home, try again lata.

I think I'm a crazy cat lady pot addicted boy crazy freaky creep.

Fuck.

Ok. So someone asked about my feelings towards J. Well that's just me. I go back and forth with every damn thing. But Idk, last night I just started feeling really turned on when I thought about him. I'm not going to write him off just yet. I want to test the waters a little. His eyes. His lips. His height. 

His heart, his soul, his mind.

Me oh my oh my oh me.

I'm stoned. You guys, I have a problem. I smoke far too much marijuana. It's like my best friend or something. I am losingGgGg it.

J/k. I got this.

I think I'm getting sick, oh wait, maybe it's just my period. My fucking ankle still hurts but I walk on it every day. Never sprain your ankle, peeps...it blows.

My chest hurts from the throwing up.

I'm lonely, and I just want to feel sure about something.

[think thin]