It's half past noon on Sunday. Me and K. talked on the phone for two hours about nothing, just joking around. Getting in the shower in a minute and then we're meeting up. His appointment didn't go very well the other day, he has a health issue. More on that in a bit.
My head is pounding from the coffee. Just slammed a glass of water. I took one hit off my vape pen. No music is playing, all I hear are the loud but silent jumbled words in the endless stream of consciousness babbling like a brook in my mind. Hence, typing this blog.
My uncle passed away the other day. Heart attack. 65 years old. He had been estranged from our family for years, since my grandma died and he and my aunt got into it over the estate. It's not like there was any money left behind. But people are strange. I didn't feel super sad but my soul recognized another loss to our family. In the last six years I've lost two aunts and now three uncles.
I went with K to his medical appointment. K. is facing an organ transplant in his near future. Much sooner than we thought. I found out about my uncle on the way home.
We were both shook by his news and then to get that call, well let's just say that I ended up taking the next day off work and me and K. have both been going through the stages of grief. At first, I was super strong while he was in shock and denial. Then I crumbled and felt waves of sadness about his mortality and how this will affect our future. He was strong for me, reminding me that more tests are needed to determine exact timelines. My sadness grew into optimism, and his strength collapsed into anxiety and hopelessness. Then anxiety hit me hard. We are both reeling. We've been bickering too much. But today feels ok so far. Looking forward to seeing him. We were together Thursday night and Friday night but I had a "me" day yesterday. Didn't do much. But I slept good last night.
It figures, doesn't it? I broke up with my ex for a lot of reasons but the major one was that he didn't want children. K. does. He and I have talked many times about having a family. But if he is facing a major surgery pretty soon it forces us to make some hard decisions. Delay the family? Start it before we even marry? I don't know. Neither does he. We are going to figure it out. Or we won't, and life will be what it becomes.
I'm high. This vape pen is no joke, it's a new one.
I better get ready. Have a great rest of the weekend!
-S.
2 comments:
sorry about K and your uncle --life is such a rollercoaster --sometimes you just have to hang on and hope for the best. quote from a book i'm reading - Life is a wild impetuous ride..there could be good shit up ahead..so don't rule it out.
I’m sorry to hear about your uncle. That’s an awful amount of loss for your family in such a short time. It seems like estate issues have the ability to bring out the worst in people - or rather, their true colours.
I hope K will get through his health issues swiftly and without complication. He’s lucky to have you by his side through it. I think if a couple can get through major health issues and come out the other side still strong together, that’s a pretty damn good indication that it’s meant to be.
Take care
xx
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