Monday, June 15, 2009
Today started off well. Fruit, and that's it. Then after I got out of work I started eating chocolate frosting, fig newtons, chips & salsa, and a string cheese. I took a shower. My stomach was feeling nauseous, so I puked. and puked. It was a good one. Then took a looonngg walk. Feeling good, but high because I stopped for a bowl. Munchies kicked in when I got home. Ate more frosting (then threw it away..fuck that shit), more fig newtons, a TON of honey bunches of oats cereal, strawberries, and a fatfree pudding cup. WOw. Pathetic. I would be feeling great now, after a purge and walk...but no. My fat ass got inside, and started craving food. I am trying to fill in this hole in my stomach, heart, wherever. I feel it. WHen I am eating I am not feeling. I am mindless. I hate me right now. SOrry to be such a disappointment. I don't care about anything anymore, especially my future. Gah I need another change. You would think living alone in a town over an hour from my parent's house would be enough of a transition. Nope. I'm thinking Florida. Jeez. Get a fucking grip you pothead. Gain some control. Stop eating disgusting junk. JUST STOP.