well hello

well hello

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My nerves are shot.

I'm a nervous wreck. I'm sitting here, shaking, sipping strong black coffee. I am moving in two days and I am not packed at all. I am supposed to hang with A. tonight. I want to get my hair highlighted. I have so much to do and literally not enough hours. The sad thing is, I've had all summer.

That's me, in a nut shell. Procrastinator. Buzz-seeker. Scared shitless.

You'd think I wouldn't have much to pack, considering all I lost to the flames... you'd think! However, I've done quite a bit of clothes/shoe shopping. I also have linens to bring, everything for a bathroom & kitchen, stuff for the cat, etc. I'll say it once more: I'm a fucking wreck right now.

I should be feeling groovy. Things are going okay. Sure, I binged on cereal last night, but yeah, it's all cool, baby. I'm not eating today. That's that.

I'm not allowed to waste precious time eating, nor would I want to partake. Food just makes me fat. So instead, I'll chug coffee, listen to music, do laundry, go get a pedicure, and hang with A. until he goes to work tonight (he works nights). After that, I'll come home and work some more, or relax, because there's always tomorrow.
But Thursday! Will be here before I know it! It's already Tuesday! I'm scared! I'm nervous! I'm anxious. I need a fucking Xanax. I'd sniff that shit up!

Hope I'm not boring you with my worries, but if I can't bother you, who can I bother? I think after I toss all my sheets in the dryer I'll take a walk. I need to chill the hell out. Seriously.

Ok, this week: Pack,move, unpack, organize, go to work for the first time in months, go to school for the first time in months.
Do it all again. Hit the ground running. Excel in class. Excel out of class.

I can do this. *huge, deep breath*

Oh, and don't forget to buy a carton of cigarettes, Sar. You know you're going to want them when you're out there.

Ok, and now I'm talking to myself. Holyshit. Losing it.
No, no, no.

This is the week it counts, I'm about to debut in College Town. I want to be looking great :)

Quick Question: Does anyone else watch "Huge" on ABC Family? I lo0ove that show!!! They talk about compulsive eating disorder, bulimia, etc. It's also really engaging and well-scripted. The actors are divine.

SO watch it!

Anyone else going back to school this week? GOOD LUCK!!!

Let's think thin! Let's fast today! Who's in? Keep me strong, peepz!

Ok, enough of this... I need to get moving. I also need to refill my coffee. I guess staying up until six in the morning was a mistake because I'm dead tired.

Fuck food.
It's gross.
It makes me fat.
And you, it makes you fat.
So stay away.
Stay strong.
Think thin.
Be thin.
Get thinner.

I love her tiny waist. He's pretty thin, too. For a dude. But she... she's glamorous. 
Be her.



Anonymous said...

I haven't been following you long, so I was wondering what happened with your stuff and the flames. Did you house burn down? That's crazy, because my family's house burned down this year, too. :( You have my complete empathy.

Coffee is great . . . keep chugging it and I hope you get all your stuff packed and ready to move.

Wow, you're really making me want to start smoking cigs again . . . Ana's bff . . .

I hope you can alleviate some of the anxiety with the walks, the pedicure, etc.

Good luck. We're here for ya! :)

Anonymous said...

Good luck with everything! You can do it. You are soooo kicking ass, and you don't even know it. Ohyeah!

For real, I'm right there with you with the strong coffee-no food deal. Now to focus on all the shit that's got to get done. Grrrrreat.

Yes we can. Rosie the Riveter! (I think?)

Charr. said...

I watched Huge once and all the characters pissed me off because I'm a bitch and don't like fat greedy kids x.x