Bad girls like bad boys

Well it appears that D. (dude from work that I hung out with three times and made out a lot with) is actually a huge player. LMAO at my stupidity. WHY do I keep liking the players? WHY do I think I stand a chance against the games and smooth tactics and god damn lies?

Let's back up. Tuesday. Me and D. get drinks after work. We have a great time. Talking. Connecting, Kissing. We end up back at his place making out for hours in his bed and cuddling the rest of the night. I was *feeling it* you guys...and I've been on "cloud nine" because of it. And then...tonight. Work. He is a crazy flirt with just about every girl, one in particular. As the hours pass by I become weakened. And then it's clear to me to the kind of guy he is. UNAVAILABLE. And I feel so stupid.

And it hurts. And now it's 3AM and I've had two beers and a toke and a cigarette. I'm feeling some feelings. I texted him that I think he's a player and I want it all behind me. It's late - I know he worked two jobs today and has his kids. He may be sleeping (we both worked until 2AM) and obviously has not responded. Do I care?

Do I even give two shyts? Maybe. No. I don't know, probably. You guys understand, right?

Jesus. I am regressing. 27 going on 14. It's sickening and I hate myself and yet I just want to be kind to myself. But it's so hard when I get involved in these...situations.

All I can do is blast some Florence and the Machine and tell myself it'll be ok. Hopefully.