Friday, December 17, 2010
To the anonymous commenter: Welcome! Thanks for commenting! Yes, I am perfectly aware that I'm crazy, no need to point it out :p
Well bloggers...I'm done.
No more college. Ever. I'm fucking finished and I feel sick! I can't believe it, actually I can. This has been six years in the making. Yes, I took my time attending community college (for my a.s.) and then university (for my b.a.). There's no set time to complete two degrees.
So here's what happened. You remember my last post, about "lessons learned"...I was devastated but secretly excited that I was "off the hook" for that project. Well the very next day (yesterday) my professor emailed me saying that she would "give me a break" and gave me until Friday (today) to turn something in. I, of course, responded professing my thanks and gratefulness. I didn't do shit yesterday though, haha. This morning I had my last exam in a philosophy class, and then I went to the library, popped an adderall, and banged out a power point presentation and a paper.
I barely got it turned in on time (she gave me until 3:30) but it's turned in. The terrible part? I didn't even read it over or revise it or anything. I just wrote. Bam. Done.
So that's good news regardless...turning in a shitty project and paper is better than nothing at all. So that'll help my grade and GPA.
And now I sit here, done with all school work forever, and I'm shaking and my stomach is in knots and I have "cried" a few times, more like emotionally up-heaved, and I've talked to my mom, dad, and sister. I've texted a bunch of people. But the only one I can be this honest with is you. I looked forward to telling you this.
I have acquaintances. Hardly any friends. You people are all out there somewhere and can't exactly give me a hug, but the weird thing is, that's what I need right now.
I need a freakin' hug. It's almost hilarious.
If it wasn't so sad.
My shoulders ache for touch, my brain yearns for the rush, my skin craves contact.
I feel...[insert random emotion]. I also can't eat. I don't want to eat. Today's calories: 120. It's 5 at night.
Now I'm chillen at this table smokin' a bowl. I keep leaving this post and going to pet my cat. I am showing him as much love as possible, for putting up with my coldness lately. It's not that I've been ignoring my kitty, just not as playful and happy around him. I yell at him, well I am training him still. He's only one and a half. Anyone else out there with a cat?
Anyway, from now on I will make it a point to play with him more. He's mine, after all. It's the least I can do.
What to do tonight? It's friday, go figure. My night of "wanting" to hang out but I'm just so far away from it all, I don't always want to drive out to the bar. I think I need to do some deep reflection.
J. just texted me. Ugh, damn him!
Him and his hott asssssss...j/k
I'm baked & need to end this. I've wrote a lot today. I love you all and just always remember to follow your dreams :) Stay strong!