well hello

well hello

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dog days

5:30 at night and it's dark out. I'm sitting here drinking cup after cup of hot tea in hopes of soothing my sore throat. I am also smoking. I've had about 700 calories today. I am light headed from the smoke and restriction. In about an hour, I have to drive through the snow back to campus, because tomorrow morning is my big debate, and my partner and I are just getting together tonight due to our busy schedules. Less than 2 weeks of classes in my undergrad and I'm freaking out, but trucking on.

I am so easily distracted, switching from tab to tab, settling on blogger, noticing I've gained a follower, feeling guilt for not posting in awhile, but not really...I mean, who cares? Certainly not I. I give myself credit for getting out of the bed in the morning, it's not easy dealing with depression while tackling school work and a job and so I give myself plenty of leeway when it comes to extracurriculars, like blogging.

I am completely nervous about standing in front of my (mostly male) class tomorrow at 8 in the morning. I have been feeling sick all week and am stressed to the max. Especially because I am still EXTREMELY unfamiliar with the law, and my teacher is all about the law, and I'm sure to stand there awkwardly if my classmates start flinging questions our way left and right. *Sigh*

I just got to have faith in my partner and I. We are meeting tonight and that's that. Hopefully we'll come up with a strong argument and tomorrow won't be horrifying. Hopefully.

Well she just texted me, asking me to get there early. So I'll end this here. Oh goodness, the fear. Wish me luck, darlings. Stay strong tonight and tomorrow. I've started adding notes to my phone after a binge, and it's working. The last time I binged was yesterday morning at 10, I know this because I noted it in my phone. It was a controlled binge but still. Fuck binging.

Think thin, please. Be someone's thinspiration tomorrow. I always dress to emphasize my thin parts, specifically my arms and neck/collar area. I keep it baggy around my tummy. I hate having a stomach, I'd like to just wish it away. But instead I''ll just starve for a bit. Concave stomach = MY NEXT GOAL!

Xo~ Sar

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Regardless of wether or not your presentation goes well, though I'm sure it will, tomorrow you'll be able to say to yourself, "well, at least that's OVER."