It's Friday. I'm sitting here, dressed finally, towel on my head, flip flops on my feet. It is such an effort to type. I am unbelievable depressed today (and everyday this week). My whole self, every part of my being, is in pain. Not a literal, physical pain. It's more like this anguish dragging me down towards the floor. I feel like sitting up is an effort. Laying down on my bed hurts my body. My ears are filled with water, my eyes ache from so many tears shed this week. My skin feels sticky and itchy, even though I just showered and applied lotion. I hate my body, I hate myself.
I'm thinking about drugs, pills, booze, boys, sex, speed, suicide. My stomach is in knots and music is not helping. Silly love songs. Coffee is not helping. The knowledge of everything I need to do is eating away at me. I have so much to doooooo. I don't want to.
Fuck it all. FUCK IT ALL. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! IT! ALL!