well hello

well hello

Friday, May 27, 2011

Riding this wave

It's Friday. I'm sitting here, dressed finally, towel on my head, flip flops on my feet. It is such an effort to type. I am unbelievable depressed today (and everyday this week). My whole self, every part of my being, is in pain. Not a literal, physical pain. It's more like this anguish dragging me down towards the floor. I feel like sitting up is an effort. Laying down on my bed hurts my body. My ears are filled with water, my eyes ache from so many tears shed this week. My skin feels sticky and itchy, even though I just showered and applied lotion. I hate my body, I hate myself.

I'm thinking about drugs, pills, booze, boys, sex, speed, suicide. My stomach is in knots and music is not helping. Silly love songs. Coffee is not helping. The knowledge of everything I need to do is eating away at me. I have so much to doooooo. I don't want to.

Fuck it all. FUCK IT ALL. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! IT! ALL!

4 comments:

Kate said...

I hope you feel better soon. <3

displayed said...

Jeez louise miss my opinion is to find yourself some pills and booze and boytoys and have a hell of a night! ;)

I'm sorry you feel so icky though, I know it's not fun, but as your title suggests all you can do is ride it out. Wait for this storm to pass.

Mich said...

I'm sorry you're having a crappy time of it. :( I remember those feelings. Sounds like you need to GET OUT. When I feel bogged down like that, I force myself to get up, get out of the house and go somewhere where I can hike. Nothing chases the demons away like running up a mountain, and then sitting breathless at the top and looking down on the world. And if you can climb to the top of the world, you can do anything. <3

coffeeXandXcigarettes said...

I hope things start looking up soon