well hello

well hello

Monday, January 26, 2015

The feels

He's been gone for 21 days and we've had a terrible fight. I just blocked him so we have no contact. I am listening to the Rain Song by Led Zeppelin. I barely ate today. Or yesterday. Fuck food.

I have maintained my new low of 134 pounds. I am 5'8 so I'd say that's pretty fucking good.

Too bad my heart is alone and the pain is striking. We love each other and yet fight so desperately, so madly. We pull out the guns. It's sad. And it lowers my self esteem, which already has been affected by the abortion.

I have drank 4 beers, smoked 2 bowls and about 5 cigarettes since I've been home from work. I am trying to numb the pain. The weird thing is how the pain doesn't get numbed, it lingers. I miss D. terribly. This trip of his, the timing of it, the love/hate we've been experiencing...is just...incredible. Incredibly hard.

Peace to all,


K1064 said...

I'm sorry...hang in there. Sometimes, it takes a couple of fights to make the relationship grow stronger.

Some pain just won't get numb or go away. You have to actively work on it. But for now, let the pain linger and see what happens...it's not the end right...just a fight.

Bella said...

Aw hun, I'm sorry... I hope things work out. I don't know much about this man, but from what I've read, I really do hope things sort out okay. I know this has been so hard for you, and I won't pretend I know how it feels, but I'm here if you need to talk, okay?

Take care <3