The Fear

I did not binge on Christmas eve or day. Last night before I went to sleep I lifted my shirt and saw my ribs. I hate the way my mom says, "anorexia" ("anoREXia"). I saw "Black Swan", finally, but it triggered the most intense panic attack I've had in awhile. I flew home in a paranoid haze; I sat here, breathing hard and rocking back and forth, trying my hardest not to puke all over my parent's pristine bathroom for a good two hours last night. I finally calmed down a little, went to sleep, just woke up, and here I am.

See the movie if you like thinspo and having your mind fucked. I am seriously having a racing heart again so I can't really talk about it, but I went alone to the movies, and I think that contributed to my anxiety. There's a first time for everything right? I just wanted to see it, and didn't feel like having company.

Last night I chewed up my lip due to my tension and hunger, probably. I was so proud that I did not binge. There was tons of food and dessert here. It's just not worth it to me, I feel like a fat cow.

I dyed my hair :) It's dark now, which makes me look way better.

J. and I are not talking at all. I feel like my friends are not really my friends. I'm still at my parents house but heading home today to start packing, and THEN later this week I'll be moving away from College Town for the last time.

Going to be busy but Lord knows staying busy burns calories.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and stayed far, far away from the plethora of desserts at your disposal. They're just not good for you, ok?

Think thin...

Xo 

Sar