Big black pupils

My eyes can barely see this screen, my pupils are obviously dilated, I'm hyper and it's 9:30 pm. I long to leave this house, so I'm hoping my bff texts me to go grab her mom a birthday present from walmart (the only 24-hour store in this town). Just so I can leave. Just so I can smoke some cigarettes. Why am I freaking out, you ask? Well. I popped an adderall this afternoon, just for the hell of it, just because I was feeling tired and unmotivated. I have had a somewhat busy day but I wish I had this stuff prescribed to me. It's SUCH a good feeling. It feels like ecstasy.

So! Intake today: zero. No food, hardly anything to drink. And damn, yes, it's late. I did good. That's why I love being on this pill. I only took one and it killed my appetite something fierce!

Yesterday I ate, which is probably why I'm fasting. It wasn't a conscious fast though, those are the best. When hours fly by and you're feeling good and then it's evening and you're thinking back and there's nothing, absolutely no food in you. It's a great place to be.

I'm finally all unpacked and have been sending my resume out. I'm hoping to get a job as a legal secretary. I have no law experience but I think it would be fascinating.

The only sucky thing about any kind of upper is that every once in awhile towards the end of it you start to get flashes of normalcy: a feeling of complete sobriety pops up and it's like, "no!". Deep breath. Then the good vibes come back. Come and go, go and come. Damn that sounds dirty.

I had another sex dream last night, this one was me basically seducing/coming on to this scrubby guy. I was all over him and all about sucking his dick. I am guessing it means that I am pretty desperate at this point. I am, but I try not to show it. I play it cool.

I hope everyone is doing well. I am trying not to swallow my tongue here. I know I shouldn't be messing around with adderall but I just love love love the feeling! Maybe I really need it, who knows. Maybe I'll demand ask my primary physician for a script.

Muah! HA! Ha!

Lol ok, time for me to pace my room and listen to some music. I can't get enough of Rhianna and Drake, "What's my name?" -- damn good song! Youtube it!

Be like the skinny hottie in the green! Think thin, lovelies!!

Xo

~Sar