Only to wake to my Mom yelling, "Sarah! Aren't you going?". In a sleepy daze I said "yup", got up, called, and canceled. It's called Self-Destruction, Mom. Don't care what you think so shut the phuck up.
I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate my body. I hate my family. I hate this weather. I hate this state. I hate myself and all of my choices and my experiences and I hate my addictions and my flaws and my weaknesses and my dependencies. I hate me. I hate Sar.
Also, my Dad does something that DRIVES. ME. CRAZY!!!!! We are lucky enough to have a recycling truck come through once a week, and I try to collect recyclables. I try to convince my Mom and brother to do it too. And so we do. And it sits in the blue box until Monday morning when my lazy, ignorant father takes the fucking box and dumps it in the garbage. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT!?
God, I'm in a terrible fucking mood. I want to cut myself. I want to punch myself in the head. I want to jump out of a high window. I want to jump out of a speeding car. I want to feel pain. I can't even pluck my eyebrows (my go-to method for eliminating internal anguish) because I am growing my brows out a little.
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So yup. I'm still jobless and this bad economy has sucked the life out of my town and the surrounding areas. I've been blowing through my savings like whoa. I got black-out drunk all weekend. I puked both days. I binged last week. Today I've ate some homemade sour cream dip with unsalted pretzels and I've been chugging coffee.
I still hate myself, but it feels a little better to vent this fucking rage on to these keys for your reading pleasure. Anyone have an job ideas?? Where are the jobs at?? Help, please!?
THINK THIN TODAY!!!!!!!
((the coldest witch you "know"))