well hello

well hello

Monday, February 28, 2011

Expressing of the Self

I'm so mad. I went on two interviews last week for this job I applied for. I was supposed to have the final one today (damn 3-step interview process) but decided last night that I didn't want to (wahhh) and so when my alarm went off at 8:41 AM, I shut it off, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

Only to wake to my Mom yelling, "Sarah! Aren't you going?". In a sleepy daze I said "yup", got up, called, and canceled. It's called Self-Destruction, Mom. Don't care what you think so shut the phuck up.

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate my body. I hate my family. I hate this weather. I hate this state. I hate myself and all of my choices and my experiences and I hate my addictions and my flaws and my weaknesses and my dependencies. I hate me. I hate Sar.

Also, my Dad does something that DRIVES. ME. CRAZY!!!!! We are lucky enough to have a recycling truck come through once a week, and I try to collect recyclables. I try to convince my Mom and brother to do it too. And so we do. And it sits in the blue box until Monday morning when my lazy, ignorant father takes the fucking box and dumps it in the garbage. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT!?

God, I'm in a terrible fucking mood. I want to cut myself. I want to punch myself in the head. I want to jump out of a high window. I want to jump out of a speeding car. I want to feel pain. I can't even pluck my eyebrows (my go-to method for eliminating internal anguish) because I am growing my brows out a little.
 DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yup. I'm still jobless and this bad economy has sucked the life out of my town and the surrounding areas. I've been blowing through my savings like whoa. I got black-out drunk all weekend. I puked both days. I binged last week. Today I've ate some homemade sour cream dip with unsalted pretzels and I've been chugging coffee.

I still hate myself, but it feels a little better to vent this fucking rage on to these keys for your reading pleasure. Anyone have an job ideas?? Where are the jobs at?? Help, please!?




((the coldest witch you "know"))

be thin


Anonymous said...

It doesn't matter if there or any jobs or if you apply for them if you don't make the interview!! I know...way harsh but this was confusing to me that you want a job but didn't go to the 3rd interview that you made it all the way to. I do hope you get another chance and I hope you can break out of your funk soon. You will probably feel much better once you get your job situation straight then you can move out and be away from your dad. I say all of this in the nicest way possible and I hope you don't think I'm rude. Go out and get what you want!!!

Sar said...

Thanks for commenting, Fed Up.

You're right, it *doesn't* make sense. Depression is trying to take over and it makes me do funny things.

Either way, thanks for reading :)

Harlow B said...

good luck with the job situation & breaking out of the funk. Even though you skipped the 3rd interview :( you made it that far so obviously you have the skills employers are looking for.

job ideas, um i hate my job so I'm a bad person to ask.

~ H