well hello

well hello

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A reminder

5:57 p.m.

My mom just called. My grandma is dead. I didn't expect to feel such pain inside. I'm sort of still in shock but there is a jagged edge tearing apart my lungs. My face is scrunched up with a sob; I sigh. I am sad. It wasn't a sudden shock, luckily. We knew it was coming. It just sucks to have to wait for someone to die. The waiting is now over. It's over, she's gone.

I just took a minute to let some toxic tears out of my eyes.

Death is a slap in the face. YOU'RE GOING TO DIE. Everyone, everywhere. Today, tonight, tomorrow, the next day, and so on for eternity. Death is inevitable.

Remembering that assuages my senses. I took a cleansing breath. I'm home alone. My parents are "taking care of the arrangements", my brother is at work. I am here, the unemployed. I have my bowl in front of me, it's packed and I'm smoking. I have a box of tissues at my side and a garbage can on the floor near my desk. I am alone, no one will be here for awhile. Alone and reflective.

I just wanted to share.


Anonymous said...

Sorry for your loss. It is so true and sad. We are all dying. I hate to think of it and just hope that when my time comes I'm ready.

warlocksmistress said...

She is in a peaceful place now, although she will always be remembered and missed on earth. Keep her flame burning in your heart - and she will be alive forever.