Today was Grandma's "service". RIP. Since I've made it a habit to study those around me with the scrutinizing gaze I use on myself, I started contemplating my "role" in the family. What do I bring forth? After the church service, we gathered at my Aunt's to eat. That was our purpose. Also to talk. Which you know I'm just thrilled about, the questions about school, is it over? about my job, where are you working? oh you're not employed? take the civil service exam!
Where was I? Ok so long story short, I walk into the room and everyone takes notice. I am the "young" single attractive college grad. And as much as I detest being at the center of attention, I also adore it. The spotlight shows my good side and my thinness is obviously contributing. It's a bittersweet feeling. I can take all eyes on me on a good day. Today, I fasted until the meeting-up-to-eat situation, so showing off my body in the clingy navy blue shirt and black sexy trousers felt alright. My clothes were loose on me the entire time, so that's just awesome.
It feels great to cheerfully eat in front of everyone when you know you're the thinnest in the room. Envious sidelong glances aplenty. I was too busy chanting in my head, it's ok! it's ok! eating is ok right here and now! to notice. Talking to myself helped me plow through: some fruit; some celery with the smallest amount of ranch dip; 1 roll with a slice of provolone, a slice of lettuce, a slice of tomato, and 2 pickle circles; 2 small cookies; 1 "cheesecake mini cookie" type deal. Also, some black coffee and a water bottle.
No soda for me. No fatty lunchmeat or macaroni salad. No cake, for God's sake. Boo please. Who eats that shit? It's 2011. Get real.
So my mood seems to have taken a turn for the worse while I was describing what I ate today. No wonder, I pigged the fuck out.
Alright. Be easy, yo's! Think thin =)