In other news, my throat hurts.I'm sitting upstairs with my cat, smoking a little and thinking. I think so much every minute, my brain is always moving around, clashing, and running circles around thoughts around ideas around negativity.
Some days I feel hate, contempt, anger, and annoyance. With myself. With everyone.
Some days I feel...decent. Alive. Healthy?
Every minute of every day is a battle. Do I do the wrong thing? Or the right thing? It all conflicts.
I'm feeling explanatory today, as if these simpleton words could unpack my data. AS IF.
I think I'm going to take those pics from last time down. I was hoping for more comments, honestly. Even mean, brutally blunt ones. I was ready for the insults. Another strange let down.
Life is full of that, isn't it? One step forward, nine steps backward. It's tiring. I am still job-less, but that's perfectly expected, seeing as how I've only applied at two places.
I need to get on the freaking ball but I'm having a hard time leaving my comfort zone. Help. Any ideas appreciated.
Honey nut cheerios (no milk) - 300
Apple - 50
Coffee (black) - 10
Baked tortilla chips -70
Guacamole - 110
I'm guessing high, like always. Those cheerios were eaten last night around 1:30 AM. I obviously have to count those in today's calories so I feel like a heifer right now, plain and simple. Thankfully there was only a tiny bit of guac and chips left so no chance of a binge, not like I wanted to binge today. I need to think thinner. This is getting old.
Once I have a job and feel busy but on a routine and normal again, I know life will be better. I just need to cross this bridge of internal struggle.
Stay strong !!