well hello

well hello

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The huge snow storm that wasn't

Schools and businesses closed, the ordering of more plows, fear, people rushing to grocery stores for stocking-up reasons...and the result is a big let down. Maybe two inches of the white stuff, not the eighteen being hyped. We heard the worst for days and the big day, today, is a disappointment and I hate when they do that. Fear-mongering makes me sick but I fall for it every time.

In other news, my throat hurts.I'm sitting upstairs with my cat, smoking a little and thinking. I think so much every minute, my brain is always moving around, clashing, and running circles around thoughts around ideas around negativity.

Some days I feel hate, contempt, anger, and annoyance. With myself. With everyone.
Some days I feel...decent. Alive. Healthy?

Every minute of every day is a battle. Do I do the wrong thing? Or the right thing? It all conflicts. 

I'm feeling explanatory today, as if these simpleton words could unpack my data. AS IF. 

I think I'm going to take those pics from last time down. I was hoping for more comments, honestly. Even mean, brutally blunt ones. I was ready for the insults. Another strange let down.

Life is full of that, isn't it? One step forward, nine steps backward. It's tiring. I am still job-less, but that's perfectly expected, seeing as how I've only applied at two places.


I need to get on the freaking ball but I'm having a hard time leaving my comfort zone. Help. Any ideas appreciated.

Honey nut cheerios (no milk) - 300
Apple - 50
Coffee (black) - 10
Baked tortilla chips -70
Guacamole - 110

I'm guessing high, like always. Those cheerios were eaten last night around 1:30 AM. I obviously have to count those in today's calories so I feel like a heifer right now, plain and simple. Thankfully there was only a tiny bit of guac and chips left so no chance of a binge, not like I wanted to binge today. I need to think thinner. This is getting old.

Once I have a job and feel busy but on a routine and normal again, I know life will be better. I just need to cross this bridge of internal struggle. 

Stay strong !! 

1 comment:

Emry said...

We got quite a bit of snow here & lots of drifting from the wind, but I thought it was going to be worse from listening to the weather reports.