I was eating decently until last night when this adorable plastic box of cookies with a pink breast cancer awareness bracelet taped to the front caught my eye at the market. I had to support the cause, and I had to finish all the mini chocolate chip cookies (5 for 150 cal & 6 servings...). I am disgusted with myself, once again.
In other news I lost exactly one inch from around my waist. Not where I would choose to lose but hey, I'll take what I can get. No change anywhere else. Wtf? Inches, or lack thereof, are PROOF! Proof that I'm not the average fool who believes what these food companies are advertising to me. I know the food labels are incorrect, that is why I always guess on the high end. Of course, if I buy organic I don't have these fears.
I have been eating a lot of fruit and vegetables! Sometimes I actually crave them! Since they are negative calories items I know I can eat them and "burn" some extra calories while my body digests these foods! Hellz yeah. I want to do the negative calorie diet. My problem is *money*. *Rolls Eyes* Why does money rule this freakin' world? Money is a ticket out, a way in, and a pain in my ass because the only cash I have is from a school LOAN. And I have to go out of my way to buy the good stuff because my campus does NOT cater to vegans/ organic food lovers.
I digress. I am so lonely. I am craving male company hardcore; last night I was laying in bed with my arms wrapped around myself and just missing someone, a nameless, faceless being. I just want someone. No, scratch that. What I really want is for someone to want me. So much.
It doesn't look like R. is breaking up with his gf any time soon. I can be delusional and say that when we see each other, sparks fly between us, our bodies, and our souls cry out towards each other, longing for a physical connection to manifest in. I can pretend this is the truth, and avoid the truth..which is all too easy. Or I can move the fuck on.
It hurts. He played with my head and heart. I want him still. It sucks.
I want to be thin, too. This, unlike ^that^, is attainable. I think the negative calorie diet could really help speed things along. Just a thought, no action as of yet. I will get there, I will, I will.
And maybe someday I will have somebody that wants me.
Love & Peace.