well hello

well hello

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The life I live.

It's getting to the point
where I'm no fun anymore
I am sorry-
Sometimes it hurts
so badly
I must cry out loud,
I am lonely.

Crosby Stills & Nash

Sometimes lyrics say it better. I am starting to get used to this idea of living alone. It takes awhile to sink in, I think, because you just keep going. You go through the motions, you just do it. It's weird because it hits you at a random time, and all of a sudden questions arise that didn't before. Why do I live alone? Oh, because there is no one I would want as a roommate. That is my standard answer, but truthfully it is because no one wants to live with me. And why would they? I like my alone time and I show it. Days and weeks will go by in between phone calls with people, or seeing them. I haven't even been working. I got my hours cut hardcore. Bottom line, I've been isolating myself but this is nothing new since I have lived alone since January,
It is October. I just hit me last night. I was laying down, trying to fall asleep, running my hands over my hip bones, and thinking; I live alone, I am alone; why do I live alone? I saw myself from above, laying there under the covers, calling for my cat, (who never came- I slept alone) looking helpless and perplexed- I feel sick today.

I am subsisting on 2 black coffees and 1 luna bar. I freakin' love them. I am sick of this extra bulge. Maybe it is not bulge but it is certainly flab. I NEED to tone up. I need to get my lazy ass outside or to the gym FAST.

In other news, I got a D on my Critical Reading midterm. I got a 4 out of 5 on my critique. I need to write a paper from last semester's incomplete before this semester ends. Along with all the other shit I gotta do. Don't be an English major...it is a pain! All of this forced writing and reading what I'm told (but never quite finishing) makes my creative juices dry up like __[insert dirty joke]__.

I need sleep. Peace peepz.

Lot of love from me to YOU.

Think thin already!!!!

In the words of an infamous pro-a blogger, STARVE ON!!


Stick Thin said...

I love luna bars as well. I've lived basically alone until i met my boyfriend. And it is hard sometimes, but i also like it too. Like i'm glad i have my own bed when J and i fight. Or when i'm totally manic i need to be alone

i'm probably not helping. Get to the Gym!!

Flushed said...

Wow. I see so much of myself in this post. I don't live alone but one day...yah, probley be posting the same (minus the cat).

But how do you feel? Are you okay with this, the way things are or do you want a change? Just wondering...sorry if my ?'s are too much, I'm being nosy...