It's getting to the point
where I'm no fun anymore
I am sorry-
Sometimes it hurts
I must cry out loud,
I am lonely.
-Crosby Stills & Nash
Sometimes lyrics say it better. I am starting to get used to this idea of living alone. It takes awhile to sink in, I think, because you just keep going. You go through the motions, you just do it. It's weird because it hits you at a random time, and all of a sudden questions arise that didn't before. Why do I live alone? Oh, because there is no one I would want as a roommate. That is my standard answer, but truthfully it is because no one wants to live with me. And why would they? I like my alone time and I show it. Days and weeks will go by in between phone calls with people, or seeing them. I haven't even been working. I got my hours cut hardcore. Bottom line, I've been isolating myself but this is nothing new since I have lived alone since January,
It is October. I just hit me last night. I was laying down, trying to fall asleep, running my hands over my hip bones, and thinking; I live alone, I am alone; why do I live alone? I saw myself from above, laying there under the covers, calling for my cat, (who never came- I slept alone) looking helpless and perplexed- I feel sick today.
I am subsisting on 2 black coffees and 1 luna bar. I freakin' love them. I am sick of this extra bulge. Maybe it is not bulge but it is certainly flab. I NEED to tone up. I need to get my lazy ass outside or to the gym FAST.
In other news, I got a D on my Critical Reading midterm. I got a 4 out of 5 on my critique. I need to write a paper from last semester's incomplete before this semester ends. Along with all the other shit I gotta do. Don't be an English major...it is a pain! All of this forced writing and reading what I'm told (but never quite finishing) makes my creative juices dry up like __[insert dirty joke]__.
I need sleep. Peace peepz.
Lot of love from me to YOU.
Think thin already!!!!
In the words of an infamous pro-a blogger, STARVE ON!!