My stomach is full and I am sure I will be using the bathroom shortly. I will be fasting today to make up for last night's candy binge. It's getting easier to go long periods of time without eating. I did it Friday. Friday I was so hungry I was shaking. I ended up going home for the weekend.We partied! Both nights! So I suppose my booze intake counts but I am mostly concerning myself with limiting "solid food stuffs".
It's a little before eleven in the morning and I am having a hard time waking up/putting together a clear thought. I took some Advil PM last night so I could sleep soundly. I slept ok, but with vivid dreams and I did wake up a few times, only to roll over and pass back out. But whatever. I don't exactly feel rested but I don't feel UNrested either. Ugh. This is a boring post.
Time for some smoke then.
I'm not going to push myself super hard today. I lost a lot of sleep over the weekend so today's goals are thus: Attend one and only class.
Unpack from the weekend/get organized.
Clean up a little.
There, that's not bad. It's nice knowing the craziness won't start until tomorrow. Today is J.'s birthday. Maybe I'll see him, maybe I won't. We hung out twice last week. That's enough about him. I am trying like hell to "forget him".
I think the reason I like blogger so much is because I feel literally connected to others (you). It gets lonely living alone. I like hearing from you. I miss having close friends. It was great seeing my girls this weekend but the distance really does wedge a hole between us. We're not as tight as we have been. But I understand my situation is temporary. Soon I will be back in the area. Soon. Six weeks and I'm a graduate. Sexy.
Of course there were pictures. My friend put some up on facebook from Friday. Haha I was a "school girl" and my legs look slim in the pictures. My arms and stomach need toning.
I am a work in progress. I have not been happy with my body in a long time. I was thinner a year and a half ago, before I started purging. Isn't that odd? I see the pictures and feel sure that I was thinner then. I am done comparing. It was me, I'm me today. I hate my body but doesn't everyone? I just want to be better/look better/feel better so I'm going to keep on keeping on.
I'm going to try to be thinner like really really TRY. I just need and want to stop hating myself. Once I look better I know that I'll end the sabotage I pound into my head through words. Once I am thinner everything will be better.
How cliche I am. What's happened to me?
Welcome to November.
Let's make this a good month.
Let's make this a good day.
Fasting is easy if you tell yourself how strong you are for staying in control.