Having a shitty day. About to take a long walk in the cold.
Edit: Had a good long walk with J. It went too quick though. Now I'm back home and miserable again. I hate being in a bad mood but whenever I'm here and there's family around I'm angry. It sucks. My brother's music is blasting, my mom wants to decorate the tree. I want to numb myself or press fast forward on life.
I miss Christmas as a youth, when I actually felt excited for the damn holiday. Since I'm currently feeling so low I don't feel like doing shit with this family of mine. What the hell is wrong with me, who doesn't want to be around their parents? Someone with no real relationship with them. I'm so tired of living a lie.
Edit: I decorated the tree with my mom while my dad sat in the armchair and read a magazine. I am now drinking a cup of hot tea and feeling slightly more relaxed. Peace!