Today ended with a disgusting binge. I hate myself for feeling so fat right now. It's making it hard to concentrate on anything other than what I can do to make this fat-feeling go away.
[Breakfast] organic granola (190) with almond milk (40) and coffee (0).
[Lunch] sweet potato with margarine (250), banana (75).
[Dinner] chips (130 cal), ice cream sandwich (190), cookie (180), candy corn (500).
See? My day was going great until I couldn't handle making healthy choices for dinner. Idiot. I'm afraid to total the damage but (sigh) let me pull out my calculator.
1555 calories for yesterday (it's after twelve now-ha, thank God).
Not as bad as I thought but still horrific. What the fuck is up with me craving sweets tonight? Oh I know, I am apprehensive about several things, including: telling my boss tomorrow morning that I won't be working there over the summer and asking him to let me come back in the Fall, paying for the summer class I registered for (I tried to use my mom's credit card, and there was an error, and it's night so I can't really deal with it until tomorrow morning, after class and before I go talk to my boss), a major test on Friday, T, and the last week of classes/finals week.
I am stressed and this was a stress binge and I should be getting my period tomorrow or Saturday so that is obviously contributing to my sugar cravings and I HATE it!
Ugh, and every time I log into Blogger (which is a million times a day) I never have comments.
What the heck, I want to read what you have to say!!!
And yet, I still sit here procrastinating my ass off.
Pathetic and fat, not good feelings to try and find sleep on.
Last night I dreamt that an old friend bit off her fingers by accident and it was really freaky and surreal. I was myself, she was her. I woke up me, and alone.
All I want to do is puke out every single one of those fifteen-hundred fifty-five calories.
Why won't I?
Because I'm fucking scared.
I have so much more to say, and no reason to say it. Is anyone even out there?