I wish I had a fucking scale. I go back and forth: should I weigh? Should I not weigh? Today I want to weigh. I care to know the damage. This weekend was varied, with eating one day, starving the next, eating on Sunday, Monday will be a fast.
I just want to starve today. I'm so hungry right now. It's 10:18 on this start of the week, and I've already made my bed, done the dishes, cleaned the cat area, and smoked. I was supposed to tackle some more stuff yesterday and today, but one thing at a time, right?
I've got class and work today. So I'm going to write this blog post, maybe surf the 'net a little, shower, pack all my stuff for the day (school stuff, work clothes and shoes, a lil smoke), head to campus, group planning for project proposal, work (with J.), and finallyyy....head home to hit the sheetz early because tomorrow starts at 5:30 AM.
How are you all doing? 85 followers and I wish I knew for sure that every single one of you was doing okay. I try to be inspirational amidst the lists I make on here. It's in my nature; I want to make you feel good.
Speaking of, J. and I did not exchange one text or phonecall or anything yesterday. Nada. I did not delete him from my phone, but I changed his name to: "Not Interested Neither Am I" ... LOL, yup.
It's the little things. They add up and help me get through the day. Today will be a long one and I'm a little nervous about working with J. I have been preparing all weekend for this, really. I just want to be cool. There are so many reasons why I don't need him in my life. I'll leave it at that.
Last night I drove to the store and bought a frozen Snickers.
Pretty random, I know. But I craved sweets and didn't listen to my own advice about the fruit but here's something horrible: I have no fruit here. None. I need to go grocery shopping but I'm afraid to go to the store because what if I go nuts and buy lots of food? And I live in the middle of nowhere, honestly there's no grocery store with decent fruit, and nothing organic nearby. Looking forward already to moving. That'll be in December.
Where am I going to move?
It's a mystery. Even I don't know.
I have some ideas, I'm just so uncertain, and due to my academic probation it is imperative to get good grades which will boost my GPA enough to graduate. It's a stress. It's not that I don't think I can do it, I just...must have stress in my life, I guess. I kind of enjoy having lots of things to think about. And ruminate. And stew over. Etc.
Do I make sense?
Anyone out there getting ready to graduate with their Bachelors?? Grad school is out, but I'd like to utilize my major. The problem is the limited job situation. Especially in fields such as English and Philosophy. What's your plan?
Stay strong, lovely readers. Thanks for listening.