Bust your windows

Sunday's have this strange gloom cast over them. I feel ready and apprehensive at the same time. Today I am hanging out with C. We are meeting up after the football game. I am fearing this, I am scared of looking fat. We talked on the phone last night and he asked if I wanted to meet for a late breakfast today. Um, are you crazy? I don't eat in front of people. I just said, no I don't want to meet for breakfast, how about something else? Haha I was vague and I doubt he'll ask me about it, he's too polite.

Remember C.? Idk if I've wrote about him, probably have because about 50% of the blog is devoted to my boy-crazyness. We've been talking and emailing. I had been talking to some guys on the side the whole time (obviously because I'm pimpin') but it's been pretty consistent with him for awhile. I don't know what I think of him. I enjoy talking to him but to tell you the truth I am absolutely terrified to be alone with him. Isn't that weird?? 

I'm supposed to go to his house (the home his mother died in) and play a game and have a drink maybe. I just am sitting here, worrying. The worry engulfs my body if I let it. I guess that I'm just so self conscious I can't even be comfortable in front of men.

I guess I'll see if he'd be willing to meet me downtown for coffee. That's a neutral place, right?

I am petrified of getting to know him because I secretly know that we'd probably be a great couple. Why would I deny myself? Because I'm not ready. I don't wish to be tied down, and literally can't. I've got too much stuff to do for school.

I've also got thin objectives to look after. I need to stop eating so much. I hate myself when I binge, so I try to buy healthy foods. I eat celery and carrots dipped in hummus. That's a pretty healthy freakin' snack.

Wish me luck. I hope I suck it up and just go there and enjoy myself. I don't want to be nervous but this dude is intense. Take care, lovelies.

Today - Kashi bar [180] some O.J. [80]

Think thin.

Xo Sar