I'm wrecking everything. The scale creeps ever upward. I allow daily binges on sugar, CARBS, and fats. I am disgusting. I am losing it.
I hate this. What the hell could it be like to be around food and not want to shove it all in your mouth as fast as possible to make up for the deprivation? How would it be to NoT think about food all the time, and wonder when is the next snack, dessert, treat, something to cure the boredom, loneliness, that could fill the emptiness that resides? AhhhhhhHHHHHH!!!!
I went grocery shopping tonight, honestly out of boredom and a dull hungriness these thoughts arose. And marijuana of course. I took a trip. I made the drive. I at least carried a basket, and stocked up on some really great things: Amy's vegan frozen meal, broccoli slaw, berries, a yam...then I slowly continued my way through the aisles, years of practice shopping with my mom allowed for this. I maneuvered past the candy, and then, it was the end. Duhn duhn dunnnn.... THE FREEZER SECTION.!!
Fuck. My. Life.
I am a fat ass.
I eat so much.
I just want more.
D A M N It!
think thin. think thin. think thin. think thin.
with the twist of my fingers I pound out the correct keys to brand this into MY HEAD.
THINK THIN THINK THIN THINK THIN THIN THINK THIN...........THINK FREAKING THIN. DON'T THINK, OH I WANT FOOD, I CAN EAT FOOD AND IT'S OK, BUT GUESS WHAT IDIOT, IT'S NOT!!!! NO FOOD.
no more caps.
no food. no food. no food. stop eating fatty. just stop. just chill the fuck out and stop eating so much shit you fat fuck.