I'm so fucking tense right now, I can't even breathe right. My shaky hands won't work correctly. I can't type, comb my hair, plug my phone charger in without dropping combs and chargers and just being a huge klutz.
I hate life right now.
My fucking cat, omg, does this all the time. I have a cup of water (always) and he jumps up and knocks it over. It has happened countless times. I never seem to learn. So this morning I was sitting in front of my laptop in a groggy state, and he did it AGAIN and spilled water all the fuck over my lap top, cell phone, desk, notebooks and folders...omg. omg. omg. I screamed, "god dammit" and "fuck you cat" but those curse words mean nothing to him. He doesn't know what he did wrong. I'm the big dummy who hasn't learned.
To make matters worse :SIGH: I just sent the nastiest message to T. Here's why...we talked all weekend, I thought things were gravy. He asked me to hang out last night once he got back in town. Never called. Apparently his car ran out of gas. He always has an excuse or reason as to why he hasn't come though.
A few hours later:
I went to class. I saw T. twice (of fucking course, I never see him on campus, today I would, of course). I am home now. We are exchanging angry texts. I am sick over this. Sick and tired.
Last night I binged hardcore. I ordered a white pizza (with broccoli, tomato, onion)...I ate 5 slices last night and 1 today. 6 slices in less than 24 hours...that is not normal/healthy.
I hate myself right now.
I can't type this. There is so much to save but I just want to hit "publish post" and move the fuck on. Next up for me? Going to campus to tell my teacher that I don't have the paper due today from last semesters incomplete in his class. Shit. Dreading this. Wish me luck. (That will make 2 F's for last semester). Yikes.
Stay strong. I'm not though. So I shouldn't be a hypocrite. Alright, just, have a good one. Peace.