It's been awhile. I'm listening to the Allman Brothers. So good. Work in a little over an hour. I went out last night. And the night before. Haha. First week of school is officially DONE. First weekend is just about done.
T. and I had plans Friday night to go check out the hockey game (our university team). He texted me Friday afternoon, "bad news." I decided to just call him, didn't feel like doing the texting waiting game. He told me he was going home for the weekend...
Ok. Fine. I said, "that works, I was going to call and cancel anyways" (a total lie).
We got off the phone and I felt tense. I cried to my neighbor for a minute or two. Then I smoked a cig, shared a bowl, watched a movie, and got over it.
I got so drunk Friday night that I mistakenly flirted with Tom (remember him, lol, drunken new years eve kiss dude). I invited him to come over after the bar and blurted out some bullshit about how I've been thinking of him.
Fuck. What was I thinking? Oh, that's right. I totally wasn't. I was missing T. like crazy and horny and bored and drunk and high.
He tried to hold my hand.
Um. Fuck no.
He said, "I like you."
Staring into my eyes.
I looked away.
Then I scowled and glared at him, how dare he be so nice? How can I be cold now? Make this easy for me dude. I am not attracted to him. Ok, I am, in the slightest way possible. In that weird way, where I want to look at him occasionally. Check him out a little. Not leer. Just study him. Observe him.
When did I turn into such a freak?
Needless to say, I saw Tom twice yesterday (saturday) as well. He came over to get his (supposedly forgotten) fleece zip up hoody. And I saw him downtown. Then he walked me home. Then fuck! I just remembered this! We kissed again. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I was going to write about T. We talked on the phone both nights. He told me he was torn about us, because he felt that he would hold me and Tom's (initial, but he doesn't know that) kiss against me. Which he apparently does not want to do. But I am fucking up anyyyy chance. Wow. What the HELL am I doing? I'm sorry for the cursing...but wow, I have been acting extremely foolish.
I shouldn't be allowed to drink.