Tired today. I am filled to the brim with anxiety. Knowing that R. was here, in my apartment, looking at my belongings, perhaps judging me on them? seeing my dishes in my sink, seeing my bathroom, the disarray, the kitten, smelling the air, even. People make thousands of tiny observations in minutes. Subconscious, lingering musings. I wonder what he thinks of me.
This post wasn't supposed to be about him. But I feel different today. I ended up writing just one of the two due summaries of the readings. It was decently done, but I just could not make myself read and write about the second one. I went to bed for approximately 2 1/2 hours. I woke, showered, shaved my legs (?), took bus to school, went to my favorite class so far, Metaphysics, stayed awake & took notes, got food (1/2 veggie panini, no cheese, handful of chips, pickle, cut up fruit...ugh fat ass), walked home, facebooked, passed the eff out. Woke an hour before my second class to get ready, used the bathroom, literally sleep-walked upstairs and into bed. For 3 hours I slept, then woke again pissed at myself and knowing that R. coming over at 2 in the morning on a school night was a bad, bad idea.