I don't need friends. Just family. I am so glad I introduced my two friends..and that they spent the whole day together, and are now going to the bar. I was invited, yes. But being anti-social comes a little more naturally. I would rather just be alone. Is it hard to tell if I am being sarcastic? It is to me, I don't know how I feel. Kind of numb. I just cried my eyes out to my mom. It felt good, draining but helpful. I needed to get some stuff out, my buyer's remorse, my issues, blah blah. This past weekend was insane. Busy and chock-full of drama. I suppose I prefer it this way. Gives me something to focus on other than myself. Eating has become foreign and impossible. I feel as if I never ate normally, or thought of food without thinking of calories/how fat it would make me. Today: chocolate covered macadamia nuts (prob 600 cal worth). sugar free licorice (100 cal). one minute brown rice cup (230 cal). I am so disgusted with myself. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FASTING DAY. wtf??
I was doing well. No food at work this morning, none after. Then I remembered I needed to fill my prescription (for ocd/depression/anxiety). Definitely don't want to miss one of those babies, it messes with me. So I drove to the drug store in the scorching heat and started craving candy while waiting for the refill. This is when I purchased the chocolate and licorice. I also got gummy vitamins!! One of those a day will hopefully keep hunger pains at ease!!
I ate two laxatives a few hours ago. They have already taken affect, but not with the results I hoped for. I am bloated, partly because I got my period early since I missed a pill, partly because I filled up hardcore on those chocolate covered macadamias. They were expensive, but goooood.
Fast tomorrow for real. Today would have been good if I didn't get those macadamias. At least I am hungry now. This means my stomach is empty :) This puts a slow, sly smile on my face.
I love MGMT!
t hi n k th i n
starve tomorrow, your body needs it, to detox, to purify, to feel freedom.
Nothing Tastes As Good As Thin Feels.
Nasty chemicals in all processed food make you fat and lazy. They make you crave that shit. And then it kills you. It's called 'population control'.
TO DO: Lots of stair climbing to melt the fat and cellulite on my tHiGhs!!!!!
peace peeps, just so you know it feels great to type out all of this, thanks for reading :)