Be still my heart.
I am visibly trembling. R. just left. I can't believe he was here, I just can't believe it. I am shook.
We had sex 3 times. Months apart. Last time being July, and then 2 weeks later he got a girlfriend. We stopped talking completely; we were never "talking" before (just fucking & playing games) so it was easy to stop.
My heart is racing, it is starting to cease. It it 3:18 am and I have class at 9:30 and at least 17 more pages of reading and two reading summaries to complete. To start, actually. Fuck. I feel sick. My stomach is twisting and turning. I was jumpy around him, as usual. Shaky. But cool. I mostly listened. We smoked a lot, then a cigarette each. The first two cigs smoked in my apartment. Anything for him.
He makes me want to stop eating. He always has. He is tall, skinny, gorgeous. Thinner than my curvy self, that's for sure. But he said once that I had "great boobs" and I "felt good". Idk. Now my head is starting to split with exhaustion. And stress. And to be honest, hunger.
I ate today: apple, lentil soup, carrot sticks, slice of thick bread, slice of cheese pizza (with bleu cheese), salad (no cheese or croutons, MINIMAL fat free italian dressing, green tea, black coffee, 60 cal juice box, fiber one yogurt. * I am not even going to bother adding the calories because the sheer size of it will surely devastate me. Fail for food for the day. I need to do something now, either go to sleep and say fuck the homework, or do the homework and say fuck sleep. I am truly to tensed up to sleep at the moment, but I am sure that the moment I hit my bed I will pass the eff out.
Shout out to my followers : ) Thanks for reading.
Love <3 Sar