well hello

well hello

Monday, August 31, 2009

I'm scared of what I might do..

What is wrong with me??

I just ordered a large veggie pizza. It will be here in twenty minutes. I am telling myself right now to stop eating after two slices. If I do this right, it will last me for the next few days, and then I won't have to buy junky campus food. In all honesty, I know that an emotional binge is coming on. I guess it's because one my (kinda close) friends S. is choosing to NOT spend my birthday with me; she is going to a concert instead, that she "can't miss". It bothers me, I'm not going to lie. I think she is being selfish. Or am I selfish for assuming one of my friends would want to see me/ take me out for my birthday? Probably, it's just me. I just don't get people. R. has basically ignored/avoided me since last week when he came over and got smoked up. wtf. My family is um... should I say depressing? I love them, but the tension is all consumming. Sometimes I think I feel more than others. I feel like I take on other's pains sometimes, maybe I am just super empathatic. Or maybe I am just distracted.

Either way a pizza is coming. With a side of bleu cheese. At this point I will never have to discipline to become vegan. Fuck my life.

On a positive note, I went to both classes today. No skipping this week.

Today I ate: salad, veggie stirfry and rice, cookie - lunch. organic z bar, dairy queen mocha "moo latte" (minus whipped cream)- dinner. Now pizza. What the FuCk!!!??

What a pig. Way to pig out on junk food you OINKER!!! Oh my, this blog is slowly turning very self-deprecating. Poor me. / not. I need to grow the fuck up. I am about to turn 23 yet I have the smarts and wits as a 16 year old.

[pray I don't eat half of this pizza]




1 comment:

the taller, prettier one said...

girllll why did you do that to yourself!
but i TOTALLY feel you. i swear i ate an entire jar of peanut butter UGH i should DIE. but tomorrow is a new day. if you can get the strength, just throw that pizza away after the two slices. or brush your teeth afterwards and save them. oh god fuck binges.