Yesterday, I went rafting. It was SO FUN and a GREAT arm workout. My arms look better and I managed to get by on only a power bar the entire day.Oh, and beer. Until I got home, away from eyes. I called a pizza place and ordered a vegetable calzone.
I went to pick it up. I drove myself to a parking lot. I stuffed my face without breathing. But then I saw some people...so I stopped for ten minutes. I was almost done. I kept looking down, during my little break, thinking, "just stop now, it's for the best", but no, I couldn't do that. I drove to another parking lot and devoured more. I did not finish it, I just ate all of the veggies and most of the cheese and left a little crust behind.
I jogged over to a garbage can and disposed of my evidence, dirty napkins and all. I jogged back to my car, feeling the glass shards scratch my insides. I drove home, guilt pounding my skull. I sneaked quietly back in my house, feeling like a fat cow, but did not walk into the bathroom. Instead, I lay in my head, on my side, and digested. The End.
It's not really the end. I'm still here. I woke up and my bones caught my eye. Hi Bones. I love thee. My tiny wrists look so sexy, hovering above the keyboard. For now. I just don't get me. Ten dollars for that stupid calzone last night and I am sitting here, trying like hell not to regret it. I wanted food, I really did. I'd been starving since Friday. It did have some veggies in it, but the cheese, oh the cheese, the gooey, melty, stringy,bad, bad, BAD, HORRIBLE, cheese. It's clogging my arteries; it's making me fatter as we speak.
No food today. Friday and Saturday were decent days for restricting. Really decent. Today will not fuck up my weekend. I've just been soo bummed this whole weekend. I was supposed to take this trip with a friend but she got sick. Story of my fucking life. Thing is, she's always sick. I should have known to NOT get my hopes up.
Oh, and Friday night...I made out with my best friend's brother. Lovely.
As for dude I had a date with earlier in the week? Total dud...erased his number. The concert was great though and my dress was super cute. Oh, I'm sick of boys. I really just want T. Is that true? Is he really it? Or do I crave the unattainable?
Well peepz, my neck hurts. Sorry I've been sucking on posting lately, I'm just uninspired. My mom and I got in a HUGE fight this weekend and we're still avoiding each other. It's super lame. I've been neglecting my poor cat. I'm a terrible person, really. Pray for me.