well hello

well hello

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Hungry (yes I said it)

 I was hoping for some helpful comments on that last post. Didn't get any, LOL. I guess no one can solve my problems ... only me, myself, and I. Fasted today. Until now. I'm fucking starving and just ordered a mini 4-slice veggie pizza from my local deli. Isn't that just wonderful? I didn't pick it up yet, but I'm about to.

 I know that even if I eat the whole thing I won't breach my calorie limit for the day. That is a good thing. It's terrible that I'm giving in, and eating. But I'm beyond stressed and if I don't eat something resembling a meal I will likely snack the night away on fattening shit. It's honestly better in today's situation for me to eat some oven-baked veggie pizza and be filled up so I don't snack.

 Snacking is bad. Eating is bad. Why am I giving in, really? Too many reasons to count. I am a sick fool.

*30 minutes later*

I'm back. I ate two slices and put it in the fridge. The good news is that I'm still so hungry. The other good news is that I am officially done eating. I am exacting control over the situation. I am taking charge.

I am also smoking [surprise, surprise]. I enjoy getting high. I've smoked for years. I am not saying this is a positive thing. Just saying.

So tonight I have two choices regarding plans: (1) Take a walk with J. this new guy I met. OR (2) Get a drink with C. to talk, because I blew him off last week.


I'll decide shortly. It's already nine at night, though. Maybe I'll say fuck off to both of them and go to sleep.

Oh, my pounding head.

Shaky hands.


Am I sick?

 ---in the head, maybe.

Can't think straight.



Anonymous said...

you have control.
i envy it.

that veggie pizza sounds good :)

Anonymous said...

Don't make me hungry! haha. Although, I must say, I definitely think you made a smart decision. If you feel like you're going to snack/binge, the best alternative is to eat something healthy and filling instead. Go you!

And I love to smoke, too, so you aren't alone in that. It's weird how smoking used to give me the "munchies," but now when I'm high I can just focus on that empty feeling and feed off of it. The weed actually enhances my will, somehow.