I am so tired of comparing my body to others all day. Sometimes I think I look ok, sometimes I look in the mirror, horrified, at my stomach. I can't believe I do stomach checks in the college bathrooms, but it's getting bad. I am possessed by this urge to reach true thinness. I need to do it so I can be proud of myself. Pride feels better than guilt.
I have been slacking hardcore on homework and reading since school started. I think I might need some meds to focus. Maybe I should cut back on the grass. Nah.
I am now listening to Jimi Hendrix, "Hey Joe" ... what a groove.
Alright well have a good day. I'm going to try. I'm also going to attempt a fast for the rest of the school day. I am hanging out with C. tomorrow, so I'd like to be my thinnest. I am so sick of this all. I just want to be done.
Drink water, tea, and black coffee if you want a drink. They are all zero cal, taste good, and won't contribute to your fatness. I never drink soda, iced teas, juice, cold coffee drinks, or milk. It's a very strict rule of mine. All that stuff makes you fat, even diet soda so stay away from that shit too. Artificial sugars are still sugars, calorie free or not. And sugar is bad.
I've been cutting out sweets as much as possible lately. My "reason" is so that I don't get diabetes. Another reason is obviously to be thinner.
I am about to cut out dairy completely. It does not agree with me. My stomach is not right when I indulge in dairy. That means no cheese, ice cream, pizza :) None of that crap will I eat. Or if I do, a very SMALL amount so my stomach remains ok. I know ditching the dairy will be good for me in the long run and great for me right now. I don't fucking need it so I'm avoiding it.
And yes, there was feta in my wrap. I guess I'm just a fat hypocrite, but I know it's not going to be easy. That's fine, because no one ever said it was easy. This country caters to the fatties, so there is dairy in everything. I'll start slow but will probably just end up pretending I'm lactose intolerant.
Nap time maybe. Take care, skinnies. Be thin.
"I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul" - Radiohead
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