Oh boy. I'm not even sure where I left off. My life has been caught up in a whirlwind. I've been here and there, talking to him and him, chilling with her, smoking with them, walking with J #1, working with J #2. Oh wow. It's Monday still? I feel like time is flying and all I can do is run to catch up.
In other words, I am sitting here smoking -should be studying- and can't stop thinking about gorgeous J... I just got home from work, he was there. We talked so much and flirted and then he accidentally flung a rubber band at my forehead and it got awkward. But only a little. He's hilarious. And honestly, truly, nice. And fucking disgustingly beautiful, my goodness. He lights my fire.
I act like a cocky fool in front of him. My exterior is sort of hard. My interior leaves something to be desired.
30 minutes later
I just binged.
I ate lots of chocolate, chips & salsa, & pizza. I've been home from work for about two and a half hours and I just ingested so many calories. Wow. That's what I get for starving all fucking day - a binge. Now I want to puke. Fuck.
I'm so sick.
Edit * 20 minutes later
I just purged. Everything.
It was weird, ranging from the slow moving sickly sweet tomato taste to the brown brownie bits mixed with bile shooting out of me fast and furiously. Sickening. Hope you lost your appetite.
I feel better though.
My bathroom smells like a barf-room. My stomach hurts, as does my throat. I puked up some calories and that's all that matters right now. I refuse to binge when things with J. may or may not be promising, either way I will be thin.
I always save purging as a worst case scenario type of thing and tonight truly was an emergency. I need some aspect of control, seeing as how I have two tests tomorrow, a book that needs to be read by Wednesday, another test on Thursday, followed by lots of family bonding time this weekend. Where's my time? When do I get to decide? Rarely ever, and that's why I b/p.
Good night. Don't be a fool, like me. Wish me luck with J. - I feel as if I have the upper hand right now, but he's just too freaking attractive so he could get it back real quick. We texted each other tonight after work each saying how hot we thought the other was. He also complimented my intelligence and "cool" factor. Yup.
At least I got those dreadful calories out. I officially declare Monday a good day.
Let's hope for an awesome Tuesday.
Think thin :)