well hello

well hello

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The aftermath..

Sigh. I ate 3 and 1/2 slices, and I'm talking big slices. It was loaded with tomatoes, green peppers, and mushrooms (my only comfort-at least veggies are better/lower cal than meat). It was good, but I seriously made myself sick of pizza. I was hungry. It came. $15 later and it was all mine. I wonder if the delivery guy suspected that this was a pizza for one! not a group or party...probably not. Gawd I feel full still. It has been about nine hours since I indulged (overnight)..I weighed myself of course, and the verdict is 134-135. Gross. I was getting low there for awhile, and had to fuck up/self sabotage/say fuck it and FUCK UP.

I didn't even purge it. The idea of throwing up that pizza was making me sick, and I swear my body was preparing me for it. If I would have tried I think it would have been easy to do and maybe even fast. But disgusting. I couldn't bring myself to try... Is this a good thing? My strength over purging? I would think if I was fully Mia I would definitely have purged it, no questions asked. If I was fully Ana the pizza would have never been ordered. What the fuck. I am not a poser but the facts make me look like it.

My punishment? Lots of walking and a fast day. I don't care. I just don't even care any more. I need some more control over my body. I came home last night and dialed the pizza place on automatic. I am so grossed out by the pizza box and pizza still inside. I am THROWING IT OUT!!!!!

Lots of love, everyone. This is hard but we shall overcome : ) And be the skinniest, loveliest people in the room at any given time.

Yay for sleep, I love going to sleep at night and waking up about seven a.m. I look out my window (I live on the 4th floor) and see the early morning sky and sometimes sun. I long to breathe some fresh air. I am going to walk downstairs with this damn pizza box and get it out of my life!!


think thin today and everyday!

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