well hello

well hello

Thursday, November 12, 2009

SaD.

I lied. Lie lying liar. Lying lies/lying eyes/fat thighs/no fries/hateHATEhate.

I don't know where I am. I am in a freakin' bubble. I hate this life so much right now, rage is ravenous in me, my heart is aching, like I can actually feel pain real pain in my heart. Poor, beating, blood-thirsty zombie of a heart. Die.

Or don't. I could try facing life. I could try being fucking proactive for once. Oh wait, that's right, when I have no marijuana I am proactive about obtaining some, what an ambitious winner I am, what a jolly holiday. What a world. What a life. What the fuck.

This person. Me. . . <-- who?? no! never!

This person is a big, fat, faker.

I don't even know who I like. Half of me thinks that I am using T. to fill some sort of void. God, I hope I am not doing that..how could I not know? I should know what is going on inside of me...I should know what to fucking do.

Problem/scary thing? I smoke up and forget.

I hate myself right now, outside and inside. I wish for nothing. I deserve nothing.

3 comments:

Flushed said...

Oh Sar...you didn't become this person overnight and thusly (and unfortunately) you cannot become a different person in the next night. All we can do is try. Try and try and fall and flail and try, try again.

Accept what is but know that you can change it.

Don't get me wrong, if you read my blog you'd know that I'm bouncing around fail, flail and trying! lol. But I refuse to give up on what I want and what I know is best for myself.

Forgive me if I sound preachy or whatever, it's not my intention, just sharing my own thoughts with you =)

Feelings and emotions are all healthy and part of living and being human, don't deny them, acknowledge them. VENT girl! But make sure you are VENTing and not DWELLing-Vent to get that ish outta your system!!

It's your life and you will make of it what you will but I really do hope that you don't give up on yourself because you are better than that.

Never give up the fight for happiness.
I love you!!
XO

Stick Thin said...

What flushed has said is amazing. I don't know if my words can even match up to what she has said. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be loved.

heebeejebus! said...

: (

All you can do is figure out who you want to be and be it. That being said, everyone runs away from their problems in some way. Don't be too hard on yourself. And if it's any further consolation, I really like the way you write.