Tuesday, November 24, 2009
4 veggie egg rolls and an entire BOX of Triscuits. 1 wedge of 'Laughing cow' light swiss cheese. 1/2 of a muffin.
That is so much. Luckily I've slept most of the day away. It is 5 in the evening and all I have ate is a larabar. I am drinking water out of one of the new cups I bought yesterdays. Cups, exciting/NOT. But they are big; they hold more water! Oh the little things...
I feel so fucking fat. Gawdddd.
Oh! And I just remembered! Last night I was hanging with T. at his friend's place and he got up to get cookies (for himself! or so I thought) and walked over and like got in my face and just HANDED it to me. Eat a cookie. Uh no. What the fuck. Don't feed me. Especially in front of people. Not cool, man.
But I ate it. So add that to the list.
I am high right now. T. wants to "spend the day together" but seeing as how we both slept in super late, I bet he means the night. As in, spend the night together/sleeping together/having sex? Being completely naked? I mean, he has seen me nude from the belly button up and I didn't feel horribly fat at that time. But today I just feel gross. Brb I am going to go check in the mirror-
:sigh: Just as I expected. Total tummy bloat from all the damn sodium in those PROCESSED CARBOHYDRATE-FILLED WHEAT STUPID CRACKERS. Wow, what was I thinking? I went to the store to get vitamins, for God's sake, and I ended up buying "dinner"?? Not even healthy. I should of got a fucking salad.
What is wrong with me? I was doing so good! Things with T. are good! I just want to look good!!!!!!!
I am frustrated. T. wants to see me and all I want to do is HIDE!!!!! I mean, we have hung out so much- what is a night apart? I admit- I do want to see him, I really like being around him. But at what cost? I have been incredibly open with him lately. I need a breather. It is draining sometimes, being around people 24/7. I crave alone time.
He is leaving for his hometown tomorrow for Thanksgiving. I am going to leave Thursday. We are not spending it together. It would make sense too, but I am definitely glad. I am unsure if he is ready to celebrate a total ANTI-vegetarian holiday with me, watching me pick at my plate, me watching him devour the disgusting dead cooked flesh & fat that turkey is!
Yesterday's intake was BAD. But the day before that was good. If I am good today (wait not IF. I WILL be) than maybe all those calories will simply be a metabolism booster!
Ta ta for now, insightful readers. If you have any ideas about obtaining body confidence I would love to hear them.