I am hungry but I am choosing not to eat. What power, what pleasure.
And so it goes...
I studied with T. tonight. I told him about this blog...I said he would never be able to find it. I didn't say anything concerning subject matter. Just casually mentioned that I had 15 followers(!!!!) on my online blog. Haha it's fun, because I truly don't believe he would ever be able to discover this. Wow, terrible of me to dangle this juicy secret over his waiting lips.
Yeah, so I like him. We were together for like 5 hours tonight. Just reading and writing and laughing and talking. And a little flirting. No physical touch. None! When we do, if, it will be e l e c t r i c !!!
I can wait. I need to keep losing. I do not want him to touch my fat self. I want him to touch my thin self. I want him to feel bone and I want him to know it's because I am trying.
I am struggling this semester...my grades are going to SUCK. Luckily I don't care about grades. Well...I do and I don't. I care more about knowledge retained. Almost done, almost done. Keep on truckin'. TRY!!! Stay Strong and Sexy. I love S-words. I love life right now. I am high off T. He is incredibly sweet and funny! He comes from a semi-normal family!
I recognize that different qualities in men mean different things. I don't care as much about looks these days. I stare past skin into souls. I see something refreshing in this guy.
And yet I still need to keep a distance. It is imperative that I do not rush into anything, and that includes feelings. I do not want to need.
Have I mentioned that I adore every single person that reads this?
I know my words are a little crazy at times..but isn't life??