Friday, November 13, 2009
To write Love on her arms.
This is my arm. I wrote "love" on it in pen to show support to anyone who has ever cut. I have cut. Not a lot, not recently: I did it when I was in high school because I was so damn depressed (wow this has been going on for awhile). What a feeling, to look down at scratches and scars and feel .. pride? shame? .. devotion?
Devotion to the self.
We could all try to NOT say hateful things about ourselves. I just learned of this kind idea, ten minutes ago, through a blog!
I'm lovin' how much can be learned today. I had a great day. No sleep last night, got up severely early and had a shitload of nervous energy, which I still have. T. & I spent the day in a city 30 min. away. We walked (bonus workout!!) up and down streets, going nowhere, just having fucking adventures. I spray painted a fucking peace sign. Holy fuck I'm going to jail./hell. hopefully not but... anyways. Yeah. We also just entered this old, abandoned building, and crept around. (And kissed). I got scared, I kept expecting to see a ghost or a corpse or something freaky. We were trespassing completely lol. We are badasses together.
It was a weird/awesome/crazy day. It ended with dinner. I did so good; I avoided the bread & butter completely. I ate half of my (surprisingly small) portion of pesto cheese ravioli and covered the rest with my napkin. I also ordered a salad (no cheese) and ate a little more than half. Maybe a table spoon of balsamic vinagrette on top. Water to drink.
[[ and you know what? it was easy to resist that nasty food. ]]
More later. Him and I are meeting back up in an hour to drink/party at this house where bands will be playing.. I am excited. I am wearing purple lace tights and a black & white dress, with tall black boots..oh yeah, feeling flyy. He said I have sexy legs ; )
He is a good kisser. Oh and it feels so good to kiss. It has been so long since I had a real, romantic kiss. So, so long.
It is so good that it hurts. That chest pain is coming back. My heart is getting a workout. I am trying to not be so detached today. I am trying to live in the moment. I looked at T. earlier and tried to see him. I tried to see myself through his eyes. I couldn't. At this point I am only relying on my emotional clues and intuition.
A quick point: besides the food at the restaurant all I ate today was about 50 calories of microwaved egg beaters. Gotta love www.Hungrygirl.com
Love you all!