well hello

well hello

Friday, November 13, 2009

To write Love on her arms.

This is my arm. I wrote "love" on it in pen to show support to anyone who has ever cut. I have cut. Not a lot, not recently: I did it when I was in high school because I was so damn depressed (wow this has been going on for awhile). What a feeling, to look down at scratches and scars and feel .. pride? shame? .. devotion?

Devotion to the self.

We could all try to NOT say hateful things about ourselves. I just learned of this kind idea, ten minutes ago, through a blog!
I'm lovin' how much can be learned today. I had a great day. No sleep last night, got up severely early and had a shitload of nervous energy, which I still have. T. & I spent the day in a city 30 min. away. We walked (bonus workout!!) up and down streets, going nowhere, just having fucking adventures. I spray painted a fucking peace sign. Holy fuck I'm going to jail./hell. hopefully not but... anyways. Yeah. We also just entered this old, abandoned building, and crept around. (And kissed). I got scared, I kept expecting to see a ghost or a corpse or something freaky. We were trespassing completely lol. We are badasses together.

It was a weird/awesome/crazy day. It ended with dinner. I did so good; I avoided the bread & butter completely. I ate half of my (surprisingly small) portion of pesto cheese ravioli and covered the rest with my napkin. I also ordered a salad (no cheese) and ate a little more than half. Maybe a table spoon of balsamic vinagrette on top. Water to drink.

[[ and you know what? it was easy to resist that nasty food. ]]

More later. Him and I are meeting back up in an hour to drink/party at this house where bands will be playing.. I am excited. I am wearing purple lace tights and a black & white dress, with tall black boots..oh yeah, feeling flyy. He said I have sexy legs ; )

He is a good kisser. Oh and it feels so good to kiss. It has been so long since I had a real, romantic kiss. So, so long.

It is so good that it hurts. That chest pain is coming back. My heart is getting a workout. I am trying to not be so detached today. I am trying to live in the moment. I looked at T. earlier and tried to see him. I tried to see myself through his eyes. I couldn't. At this point I am only relying on my emotional clues and intuition.

A quick point: besides the food at the restaurant all I ate today was about 50 calories of microwaved egg beaters. Gotta love www.Hungrygirl.com

Love you all!

Think thin.


Mad Bird said...

Love to you.

Thank you for your comment on my thinspo post. T.S. Eliot is so deep.

-Brune said...

It seems that it's harder to binge when we have a good/exciting/romantic day. Congratulations for that!

Take care