I've been getting these terrible headaches. Like the beginning of a migraine headache (my worst nightmare) there are jabs of pain/pressure on the back of my head. Near the top of my spine.
I keep getting random itches all over my body. Like bugs crawling on me. A side effect of the drugs? or bulimia?
I am a mess and it shows. It shows in my verbal and non-verbal communication, my messy apartment, and my down-hill sliding grades in college. Can everyone tell? Am I so transparent? I fear that my social life is a complete joke. I don't think people actually "like" me. I think they deal with me because (1) I always have weed, and (2) I look good (if around men) (ha I don't actually believe that with my full heart but men are easily distracted with a little cleavage and makeup and lip-licking and leg-crossing).
Amazing but writing in this blog is somewhat therapeutic. Here is a cold hard fact: I have been binging and purging every day. I think this is getting out of control. I can't stop my stomach from feeling the way it does after I eat, all bloated and noisy and pushing up, but I can make the decision not to puke, which is damn near impossible these days.
[i need to lose 20 more pounds]
 check this box when goal is reached***
can't wait to check that ^.
soon. so soon.
I can be there. So can you. We can do it together and it will be easier. Let's try it, dare each other to push on, push forward; dare each other to meet our goals, our serious goals, more than our goals: our deepest desire. I desire to be as thin as I want to be. So I will. I will make it happen. I am on my way there. I need to keep this up but I seriously need to be thinspired because I can't do this on my own! Ok...maybe I can. But a little motivation never hurt anyone.
I just want this damn headache to go away.
And to be thin. (obviously) thinner. the thinnest in any room.