well hello

well hello

Friday, September 4, 2009

Suffer for fashion.

(of montreal)

Today is my birthday. What can I say about it other than the fact that I partied hard last night/this morning. I worked late, smoked, went to a bar, then to K.'s. We drank and blew lines. How mature of me. /not. It's over now. The damage is done. I missed one class because I was too exhausted to wake up after intensive partying. I went to one class this afternoon high. I contributed nothing to the discussion but took a few notes. Then I ate. Ew. 1/2 vegan panini, chips, 4 pickles, mango lemonade smoothie. I just ate some chocolate whopper candies. FUck my FAT self.

It is now 4:23 pm, I am of course smoking, and I do not know what to do with myself. My impulsive side suggests a shopping trip, which always makes me feel better. My stoner side says smoke more, until it's gone, so I can buy again. Fuck. My sleepy side whispers thoughts of light breezes and a lazy afternoon.

I am gaining weight. I feel it and I see it. I am going to weigh myself real quick, on my stupid scale, to prove myself RIGHT!

Back- I weigh 136. Horrible. I asked K. last night if she thought I gained weight, she said no. I did not believe her then, and I am reassured on how fat I truly am. I am so gross to look at. I guess this is what happens when you get old like me. 23. Can't believe it. I hate myself lately.

Sad that I feel this way today, but my birthday was never my favorite holiday.

peace.

4 comments:

-Brune said...

Happy birthday! Or not that happy...my b-days have never been my favorite days either. Loots of cake and snacks. Not good.

Well, at least your birthday was more exciting that my last one.

Keep strong, i'm sure you'll lose weight soon.

Take care

Sar said...

Thank you : )

the taller, prettier one said...

happy birthday darling :) cheer up. we all go through that shitty stuff sometimes.

heebeejebus! said...

Awh, happy birthday! I wish you were having a better time. : ( I personally say go with your sleepy side, go find a hammock and take a nap. In a hammock, you're kind of floating in mid air, you know?

And yesss! The frozen applesauce turned out amazing.