well hello

well hello

Monday, December 21, 2009

December blues.

My life is falling apart around me. I just stand here and take it. My cat doesn't even listen to me. I never wrote that last paper for Metaphysics. It's 1:30 am. I hate the decisions I make. I ordered food, a vegetable calzone. I ate most of it. I also had two clementines. And 2 low cal granola bars. <~~ all I ate today. So I guess it's not too bad. Luckily I have been restricting hardcore the past few days. I still fuel my fire with the thought of my binge. I need to chug some water to flush out all of the grease. What I need to do is write this paper. I am so confused, it is like I have a mental block; there is this indescribable inner struggle, me vs. lazy me. I keep thinking about it. I know it should be done. I know that I worked hard (as hard as I work for school) in this class, and I don't want to fail. I don't. What is my problem then??
Why can't I make myself do this. I do everything but. What the fuck. Crazy as this sounds it's like I am afraid of being tired. I think, oh I will be up late and spending so much energy...wahhh....

Whatta riot this all is. My life becomes increasingly comical, if only I saw it as a positive thing, if only I had the courage to change.

1 comment:

glass-skin said...

Aww, thank you! :)

I hope you've had more success with your paper. 'December blues' seems to sum up this month quite well >_> Just remember, the feeling won't last forever. It will change (I tend to forget that myself..)