I hate binging but I hate purging even more. I feel bloated and disgusting still. I am sure I got maybe a quarter of it out, but that's nothing. Not a thing.
What a fuck-up, whatta failure.
I want to puke my brains out. It's all still there, I know it. I just want to puke and puke until there is nothing left. Only air. Why did I eat? I was doing so damn good today.
I guess it's because I went to the store tonight, and there were so many overweight people. I mean seriously. To see someone skinny is to see a miracle. So maybe I wanted to feel "normal" - whatever that is. Maybe I wanted to see how much food I could choke down tonight, because I know I won't be eating tomorrow before, during, or after the concert I am going to. Maybe I am just selfish and ridiculous.
What a day. I had been starving and daydreaming about food for hours, and then broke down. I blame my parents. They are both overweight and I feel so damn skinny next to them, like that makes it ok to eat. It fucking doesn't. I need to grow up.
I need to think thinner.
I don't dare check the scale until tomorrow.
Lots of water tonight, and maybe a little sleep.
At least I know I won't be able to stomach anything tomorrow.
God, I'm so pathetic right now.
I just want to be thinner. I just want to be strong.
Peace : /
*everything is fine as long as I'm getting thinner*
I love her arms.
Mine will be smaller though.