well hello

well hello

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I see two packed bowls and a glass of wine (my third) on the table in front of me where my computer sits. I am thinking of you and him. I am slightly buzzed and feeling especially pro-ana at the moment. I hate food. Food will not solve your problems, even if you are a starving child, because honestly, food does nothing but *sometimes* nourish. It mostly contributes to belly fat and other fats on and around your body; those evil fats squeeze the life out of your organs. Food will not guarantee happiness or wealth or health, or even shelter. I need water more than I need food.

I sometimes tilt my neck when I type. It is slow-go, and then I notice it because it feels like I'm falling. I'm so confused.

I read "Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks today...what an amazing story. It made me cry. It was beautiful. Blah blah blah like you give a shit about this book. Either way, it was a speed-read and I liked it. So read it.
I haven't seen the movie, is it good?

Ahhhhh boys make me drool. I mean I turn into a blustering blubbering idiot whenever I meet one. I mean I suck at life. I mean C. is cute but so out there, what the hell, I thought I was?

OK. New focus. P.D. if you're reading, I am worried about you, hun.



I need a life.


Restriction is necessary. Let your stomach grumble. When mine does I tell it to shut up. 
I hate food. Don't you? I live in America, and I must say, we can eat. There is food everywhere, in every little space. Because food is gold here in the states, but not to those who are super-strong. Like me. I don't touch that fried-shit. Ever.

Veggies and fruit and water, oh my!
Starve and restrict, they'll bring great joy!
No food no food no food no food
Thin brings peace and skinny is sexy.

Wow, I'm lame. My lameness exudes me. I need a cigarette. I also need friends (apparently, because I treat blogging as if it's a funny email to a friend-wow *rolls eyes*) because I have none. I am that girl who chills with her ex-boyfriends. Tomorrow B. and I are going to College Town to pick up some shit and also to spend some time together, even though we hung two nights in a row (monday and tuesday). Idk. 

I just want to be thinner. The scale here is awesome and inspiring; it's digital but I am unsure if it's accurate. Is there a way to check??

It says I am 127.5 :)
Maybe I am.

Or maybe it's off and since I'm paranoid anyway I'll assume that to be the case. Wow, what a mindfuck. I just want to know for sure how much I freaking weigh. Is that too much to ask? I think not.

I hate food. food is bad..

Last night I fell asleep chanting this:
food is bad. food is bad. food is bad. food is bad. food is bad.

And it is!

Think thin. Always.


Emry said...

I read 'Dear John' just around the time the movie came out, but I haven't seen the movie. It was a fast read!

Anonymous said...

Right-o, food is bad. It really is. The only shit we should bother eating is the nutritional, colorful, natural stuff (much in the case of the drugs we consume, too, eh?) Thanks for reminding me, I was falling into that cookie-monster phase. Phew!

It's okay. My friends are few and far between. They're all in different places and stages of life. I've lost contact with a lot. I'm socially inept to the third degree. It's quite alright to pretend that your blog is really a long and funny email to a friend (because, technically, like, it is, m'kay?)

Have you ever tried that K2 stuff? It's "incense" so you're not supposed to "smoke" it, but.. yeah. And it's legal. Though I have doubts, for I was higher than the stratosphere for a looooong time. Anyway.

I think of you as a friend, is that weird? (wierd) (no, it's definitely e before i, right?) (thank gaia I'm not in college)

My bad. Coffee's good for the... nerves and neurons.

I hope you have a lovely day,