well hello

well hello

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Tonight was not good. I went shopping and bought cute clothes, the tops were size small (ok this is good but read on). Then I stopped at a little gas station, close to home, and bought a pint of ice cream. I came home, ate the ice cream, wasn't full. So I made a peanut butter and banana sandwich on 2 slices of whole wheat bread. Ate that. Still wasn't full. I opened the pantry and stood there for awhile, scarfing down cashews. Grabbed the ass end of some chips and ate those too.
Now I sit here, uncomfortably full and hating myself all over again. This binge was kind of a surprise to me. I was not really expecting it. But did I really think I'd be able to eat ice cream and not want to indulge more after my spoon scraped the bottom of the pint? I suppose I did. I suppose I wasn't thinking at all about the consequences.
Now I just want to puke. But I really shouldn't, it's so bad for me :(
Should I?
Help :(

(twenty-five minutes later)

I went to the bathroom and stuck my fingers down my throat and puked up a lot of liquid. I forced myself to stop after fifteen minutes of torture. I feel slightly better, but really only *slightly*.
My punishment will be STRICT RESTRICTION tomorrow along with EXERCISE.
Because I refuse to get fat. I just bought clothes sized small, I'm not going to be too fat to wear them!
I have no idea how many calories I puked out but even if it was only 100, then I could be satisfied. Because that is 100 less in me. Mirror check, brb.
Oh man, it's so sad how I look in the mirror and see a flatter stomach and little hip bones after a puking. I'm sorry, I'm disgusting. I just hope I wake up and feel a little better. Wow, I can't believe I spent $4.50 on that stupid ice cream just to throw it up. Serves me right. Will I ever learn?

tHiNk tHin . .



Anonymous said...

Ah, you're not disgusting. We're all battling the same shit. Each day is a new day. (:

Cally C. said...

Your body doesn't absorb the calories until they hit your small intestine, so even if you threw up broken down food, it's no digested yet, and you don't get the calories.

You probably threw up WAY over 100 cals.

Gross? Probably.
Seeming out of the ordinary to me? Not at all.

Anonymous said...

You'll always rock, and you're absolutely gorgeous (from those photos you posted way earlier, but I'm a lahoooser, so it's taken me a while to find a real computer to say that fact) and-and-and... oh right, you (willalways) rock.