well hello

well hello

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Tonight's truth.

BBQ chips are beyond gross and I indulged tonight. I ate about three servings (1 serving is 15 chips/150 cal) So that's about 450 disgusting calories too much. At a bar I drank two tall vodka-sodas and ingested probably 400 liguid calories, unnecessary drinking is fucking stupid, why did I suggest that?

I dated a guy once who lived in another state. Basically across the country, but, we tried it. I went there. He came here. Whatever, it was five years ago. I was 18.

I got a text from him tonight. His number wasn't even in my phone, but he was in town. Did I want to see him?
I looked down and felt too fat to go.

So I ignored his text for 40 minutes and took a quick nap. I opened my eyes, reached for my phone, and texted him back.
"Let's meet for a drink."   (a drink? MISTAKE. b/c drinks make me FAT)
And so we did. It was interesting. Five years is a LONG time, and you guys know a little about my life. It's been nuts for years. My early twenties have been volatile. Needless to say, we filled each other in, as best we could given the circumstances (time being of the essence; he leaves at the crack of dawn). I enjoyed myself, he paid for the drinks. He is doing good. He is a pilot...he owns a small plane, and lives in an airplane hangar.


That is so, unbelievably...hot.

Five years and his face is the same. He has the beginnings of an accent (he's lived out there for 6 years) and he is still exactly my same height.
That's the weirdest, worst? thing.
I like my men tall.

He is my height. And yet, when we were sitting and standing it didn't bother me. It didn't feel any different when we hugged...it was like hugging a girlfriend, just really up close and personal.
He is very handsome.

Just...short. It sucks that I care.
Oh shit, what am I even thinking. He is leaving in six hours.

It was good to see him.

Very good.


On the other hand,

I am a fat pig for binging on those bbq chips when I got home from the bar. It's just that the lonesomeness started rising. Up and up until I'm reaching for food. It surrounds me, it glows puke green and my eyes glaze and the haze all over makes it easier to hide my grazing, for I am truly a cow in a pasture, feasting on filth before the butcher.


I feel gross.

Think thin*


zen said...

Ah I love catching up on old flames. Sometimes ya gotta give yourself a free pass on the naughty food for the sake of fun. And you did have fun, you deserved it!
xoxo zen

Anonymous said...

I completely understand the height thing. The current boy I'm seeing is almost exactly my height and I'm trying my fucking hardest not to think about it. Ahh I don't know why we care about the things we do.