well hello

well hello

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Eyes off me.

I woke up in a nasty mood. I'm just pissed off. It might be because the attention is NOT on me, it's on my sister and her new baby. They're all coming here tomorrow, for a long weekend visit. I am really excited, truly...it's been awhile since I've seen my sister and her husband and I've NEVER seen the new baby...but today I'm mad.

So what do I do? Blog. And I just put on "Shakedown Street" by the Grateful Dead. I'm still coughing my lungs out, and that really sucks. How ladylike, how classy of me, to be hacking up a lung every ten minutes in the morning. Maybe I should drink something, maybe I should eat....HAHA JOKE.

Like eating would help a goddamn thing. I hate fucking food. I ate last night, it's becoming a tradition. I wait until everyone goes to bed, because no one can know I eat, and then I go binge, essentially.
Last night it was a veggie burger with lettuce and mustard on a sandwich thin. I'm sorry, but those Arnold Sandwich Thins that everyone keeps raving about just taste like chalk to me.
Chalky chalk.
But I ate it anyway, and then got some cereal and scarfed that down, quickly, so no one knows or hears.
Then I ate an apple and a banana.
Full yet? Nope, not hardly. This was at two in the morning.

So then I got creative; I cut an ice cream sandwich in half and put both halves in a bowl. Then I topped it with a spoonful of creamy peanut butter. Finally, I added some chocolate syrup and smashed it all together, and my goodness, it was good. But so fattening. But then I was done. Full. Satiated.

Well not really, I started chewing gum like crazy until I was tired enough to contemplate sleeping. And so I slept, tossing and turning, with sexual dreams. That's right. In my dream I was getting freaky with a sexy, BUILT black man. It was hot, I'm not going to lie. I woke to my brother calling me from work, freaking out because he didn't have his cell phone.
I guess that put me in a bad mood.

Also, I've gained. (Obviously, you're saying, because one cannot binge without gaining). I stepped on the scale when I woke and it said 133.





What the fuck happened to my will power??

What the fuck is wrong with me? I was blaming the weight gain on my period, but now that's done so there's no excuse for me.
I hate me.

I will do my best to RESTRICT LIKE MAD this weekend. All eyes should be OFF me, so hopefully it'll be easy. I just can't fucking wait to move. I want to be alone.


MyNameIsMellon said...

Its your body fighting you, hon. It naturally responds to starvation by making you crave food more and more until your breaking point. Try not to be too harsh on your restriction. Of course, unless you like being stuck in this cycle.

Nice dream. Lol. Is it weird that my sexual dreams generally include boys and girls of all colors and shapes? XD Lol. Anyway, love ya hon. <3 Cheer up!

Emry said...

Binging sucks. I kinda have been today. Well, it's binging to me, prolly normalish to most people. But I needed to kick my metabolism a bit. And each day is a new chance to start again. Good luck with your fasting/restricting!