Thirty minutes before work and I really need to just scream. I keep seeing T. At school. Around town. At work. In my fucking dreams. I hate him. The thought of being his friend makes me want to point a gun at my head.
Light it. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
Smoking weed slows the thoughts down.
Why am I letting him affect me still? I just hate the sight of him. His longish hair. His cocky demeanor. His shaved face. His stupid plaid shirts and khakis and corduroys. I used to like his style, now I think he just looks like a tool. I have not forgiven him, nor myself. Until then I will be miserable.
Cue sad song playing in the background.
I hate how I can be feeling thin[ish] and then sit down in class and look down at my thighs and feel so grossed out by their sheer size. I hate how big I am. I hate that I am taller than the average girl, making me automatically look bigger. I hate my stomach. I hate my "food addiction". I hate school sometimes. I hate it all right now.
Not really. I can't. I need to not hate. I need to not let this all affect me. I need to be strong.
: ) I am trying like hell to smile. And breathe. I went to every class this week, so far, that is great.
I have things to do and seemingly no time.
It is a really good thing that I am no longer "seeing" T.
More time for me.
So far today I've ate an apple. [organic too!]
I refuse to get addicted to b/p.