well hello

well hello

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I got my mind set on this.

I can't stop listening to George Harrison. I am living for and longing for my memories and my old self. I had it all, seemingly. But we never appreciate things when we have them, do we? We (I) wait until they're GONE, and then it's like, oh man, wish I still had that.

My eyes are tearing up. I have been talking daily to B, my ex boyfriend. Him and I went through it all. He is the only guy I ever tried to hit/beat the shit out of. It is a horrible memory, the thing is I was so drunk the memory is in pieces, but he remembers, and therefore, hesitates. And so do I.

I just never know with me. I know that I like to *like* someone. It is true, I enjoy crushing. Since T. is history it is quite typical of me to throw myself at someone else. But my ex?? The one person who can bring out my very best and my scary, dark, absolute worst?

Life makes zero sense.
I woke up three hours ago, from a mid-day nap, and now it is 11:15 pm. I had hopes of doing homework, since tomorrow is my first day back to college. But I am too keyed up to do anything but listen to music and type and text B. and think about smoking up and a million other things.
Oh procrastination, you haven't killed me yet. But maybe tonight.

I love music!!!!!!!!!

Wondering what I ate today? So am I. Why don't I refer to my Ipod's Lose it application, and tell ya!
(I'm about to hate myself)

Breakfast~ 2 packets of oatmeal, with honey & cinnamon.
Lunch~ nada
Dinner~microwaved "baked" potato, with shredded cheese and garlic powder, I couldn't finish it..it was so plain/dry without butter or salsa. bag of organic microwaved popcorn (gasp!). string cheese. apple.
Snacks~JELLY BEANS (I am so fucking addicted ugh DIE easter bunny and your tempting confections!!)

Well, could be worse.
Have I mentioned my severe candy addiction? IT IS OUT OF CONTROL. Time for jumping jacks! Ready? You do some too!! Put on a tune! Here I go : )

I did 50. Pathetic. I just can't fucking focus right now on what is important.
In case you wondered what is important...it is BEING THIN!!!!!!!!

You know what my problem is? I am too damn self-conscious. I am worried what my downstairs neighbor (the one I chill with, she lives directly underneath) will think.
Omg. So I just did 50 more, and sure enough, there goes my phone! She texted me saying "are you doing jumping jacks? lol"

hahaha Yes. Yes I am.

Last night I was in her apartment, smoking. Her sister was there and they had snacks (cookies and white cheddar popcorn); they kept offering!!!! I said no and stuck to my no. I sometimes wonder if she knows about my *ways*. Well whatever, it's not like I'm too thin. Lol.
My BMI is 20.1

Looonnggggg ways to go.

Think thin, people.


Ever. said...

Haha, I love the Lose It app :)
Your mind's in a good place, wish I were stronger today, I know I'm gonna binge in a bit > < I'm at that awful place of not even caring right now though x.x
Take care,

Stick Thin said...

music is also my distraction. I'm really good at finding stuff more exciting than what might be required. I'm a little scared to start school.

Sorry about the boy :(