well hello

well hello

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Here we go...

I am out of breath and completely psyched to have just done 115 jumping jacks in quick succession. Barefoot. In my pjs. High as a kite.
What it takes to be skinny *smiles* ..

So. After three days of me giving him the silent treatment (no texts, no calls, nothing), T. texted me tonight, a picture message and a quick note. Something like, "this band is great; I'll show you" ... what the fuck, T? You won't be showing me anything, much less your little boy physique and indecisive, self-destructive ways. I'm done with you.

I sit here a few minutes later, smoking a cig and typing left-handed: I feel apprehensive. But why? I suppose I let T. have that effect on me.
I can't think of him.
I'll just concentrate on me. Sure, it's important to consider all things here, his and my perspectives...
Finally put that out, ahem, I can type better like this but was thinking more when I was only doing it one-handed. Weird.
Ah, high musings.

Think thin, Sar. Ah, stretching and exercise feels great. I still can't believe I purged last night, thought I was done with that shit. It just goes to show that nothing is ever gone completely, things stay with you. Inside. Good things, bad things. My appetite has been fucked up all day though. I don't even want to eat. Just been chugging water. Had a few snacks. Nothing fattening, luckily.

I hate fattening food. Not all food is fattening, always remember that. Pineapple, grapes, carrots, spinach, apples...great choices and some of my favs.

I love you all, just so you know. There is not enough love in the world. I am sending out love and support and peace to you. I mean YOU! The one reading this, the one who can relate to my words. The one who thinks of me as some anonymous blogger out in the world, because that's what I am to you. But I am real. I am sitting here and thinking of how silly I must sound but I like this. I like talking to you, whoever YOU are. Thanks for reading my words. I really do like to write. I don't do it enough. My writing for school is forced and technical, but here... I am free. I can express my innermost thoughts that will always remain private to those I know in "real life". They will never know these things about me, unless I tell them.
But there is not enough time and air to breathe to mention every passing thought I've ever had. No one ever really knows another. You think you do. You might know a little. But in the end, we'll die as strangers. And be forgotten.

That's why I and you must make the most of each and every moment. Love, live, be at peace. Smile, it tricks your brain into feeling happy or thinking happier, calmer thoughts. Try it : )

I smile when I am feeling blue.

I should end this.
I get preachy sometimes.

Nothing you can eat will EVER taste as good as the knowledge that you are the skinniest girl in the room, and maybe even the building.

<3 Sar.


Flushed said...

Who me?!

I like reading your blog so I'm glad that you like writing it.

Isn't it weird how easily we can fall back into old habits? I've been purging too :(

Ever. said...

Thanks for following me :)
I relate to what you're saying...loved this post. Gah, I've been purging as well x.x