well hello

well hello

Thursday, March 18, 2010

5 hours later..

It is 6:45 in the morning and I have to be at work in twenty minutes. I purged roughly five hours ago, and I hoped I'd feel thinner. I weighed myself [bad idea] and the scale glowered at me: 133. Really?? I know that I can be down by the end of this day, especially after being on my feet at work, but jeez, what a way to start the day. I'm scared. I'm scared to be fat and so I must be thinner.
Purging is a bad lifestyle choice, I will not succumb to these ridiculous temptations. The only reason it happened last night is because I just ate wayyy too much, and I felt terrible.
I can't feel that way again.

Why did I buy those cookies?? Sooo stupid of me. Not to mention a waste of money. Ugh. I have no self-control sometimes, I make myself so mad.

I eat out of loneliness and desperation, a pathetic combo that will lead to NOTHING GOOD!

I hope you are all doing better than I am.

I am disappointed in myself now, because I feel like if I was going to purge, I should have done it right and puked until there was nothing else. I didn't though, because I am weak. I stopped when the pressure was relieved from my stomach and I SHOULD NOT HAVE. Maybe the scale would have read something different, something better, if I could have at least done one thing right last night. Ugh...

Think thin and Have a good day!!!

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